10 Headlines You Would See If The Avengers Lived In East Texas

Natasha Romanov, aka The Black Widow was seen doffing her black combat boots and exchanging them for roller skates.

The main issue with this is that another member of the team already had the nickname “Black Widow,” so Natasha is going by the alias, Soviet Slammer.

The intersection by the McDonald’s and us (TSM Radio Station) is the worst!

Bruce Banner sat at the intersection, waiting patiently for his turn to go, but drivers coming from Raguet, First Street, and Timberland didn’t seem to know whose turn it was, causing the scientist to completely lose it.

The Vapor Room was completely demolished.

That poor Spider-Man. He was already having trouble adjusting to life without tall buildings to swing from, and now this? His second bite by a radioactive bug has left him strangely deformed.

At least now he (they) can fly. We don’t have an image because our reporter Peter Parker has mysteriously stopped photographing the web-slinger.

Tony Stark is smart, but not smart enough to install pressure washers or windshield visor wipers on his helmet.

Some nice folks made an eggplant Parmesan out of him. The city rejoices.

We don’t need Doctor Strange messing with time loops in Lufkin. It already feels like we’re in the movie ‘Groundhog Day.’

He’d perform some magic for the kiddos at either the Lufkin Middle School or the Angelina College Theater. He won’t, however, be able to fill the seats. That’s just how it is around here.

We’re not sure if Loki wanted to shop at Hot Topic, or if he was just upset that preteens wouldn’t be able to show their love for him by wearing hoodies bearing his gorgeous face.

Update: Hot Topic is gone. Is Loki to blame?

He just really likes being around his fellow trees, and folks looking for him say he’s really well hidden.

Sorry King T’Challa. The Nacogdoches Dragons use black, and it would be too similar.

James “Bucky” Barnes hasn’t exactly felt welcome anywhere in the recent years. He recently legally changed his name to resemble the Buc-ee’s chain of shops in order to improve his approval rating among East Texans.