Lufkin Police Report Includes a Pokemon, Pickle Juice, and Flying Bible
What does a Pokemon Charmander plush toy, flying Holy Bible, and a bottle of pickle juice have in common?
They were all involved in recent crimes according to Saturday's Lufkin Police report.
Let's start with the pickle juice. Thefts from grocery stores happen all the time, but this is the first time I've seen pickle juice on the list of items allegedly stolen. According to the report, a 38-year-old woman tried to swipe some vitamins and pickle juice from the Brookshire Brothers on N. Timberland Drive. I've learned from experience that pickle juice is one of the best ways to hydrate and to treat cramps, so maybe this woman had muscle cramps so bad that she just forgot to pay...then again, maybe not.
Now we go to the 2200 block of South First in Lufkin. According to Lufkin Police, a man reported that around midnight, Friday night, his ex-girlfriend stole a plush Pokemon Charmander from his car. Love and love scorned can cause folks to do some strange things. I don't pretend to know the circumstances of this particular situation, but I can only imagine how the conversation with the police officer may have gone:
Police: "You say you're ex-girlfriend was in your car?"
Police: "Did you notice if anything was missing?"
Man: "Yes, something was missing."
Police: "And, what was that?"
Man: "A Pokemon Charmander plush toy."
Police: "Uh...okay." (officer walks back to the patrol vehicle thinking thoughts of being on a beach somewhere)
Finally, we come to the case of the flying Bible. Friday afternoon, on Lotus Lane, police were dispatched to a family disturbance. Here's the gist. The husband and wife have filed for divorce, but still live in the same house. The wife claimed they got into an argument and the husband threw a Bible at her, hitting her in the head/neck area. The husband stated they got into an argument because the wife would not leave the house, and she also told him she had relations with another man. The husband reminded her that they were still married, and what she had done was wrong. He then “tossed” the Bible to her so she could read it, and she did not try to catch it, so it hit her, leaving a red mark on her neck.
The husband was charged with assault.
All in a day's work...(sigh).