Safely Cook Bacon Naked
Bacon lovers unite! If you enjoy preparing breakfast in your birthday suit, we have the product for you! J&D’s Foods, the makers of Bacon Salt® and Baconnaise®, is pleased to announce the launch of Naked Bacon Cooking Armor™! Yes, the world’s first body armor specifically designed to protect your man- or womanhood from the well-known perils of cooking Bacon naked. Cooking naked has been proven to increase one’s sense of smell and taste – which means that the ultimate breakfast meat can taste even better than it already does. Cooking and eating bacon naked has been said to be the equivalent of winning the lottery, scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl and neck-punching Justin Bieber all at once. That temptation is too hard to resist.
A recent Gallop poll found that 87% of Americans were more concerned with how to safely cook Bacon while in the nude than climate change, twerking, North Korean cyber attacks, the proliferation of nuclear weapons and the economy – combined. So be smart. Don’t get kicked in the groin by Bacon grease again. Naked Bacon Cooking Armor is both lightweight and somewhat stylish, and it provides maximum bacon-cooking protection in the areas you need it most.
Naked Bacon Cooking Armor is available now at www.Store.BaconSalt.com for $14.99 + S&H. We’ve got lots of other fun things going on there (like Bacon & Bourbon Candles and Bacon & Waffles candles to name two).
So if you’re the kind of person who lives on the edge and wants to cook Bacon naked while simultaneously being engaged in MMA style fighting we’d like you to be one of the first to strap on J&D’s Naked Bacon Cooking Armor!
Come on, admit it... yeah, me either.