To Goldie, Thanks for the Love You Brought to our Family

I saw ‘that look’ on February 19^th, 2016. It was just after 1 a.m. I knew exactly what ‘that look’ meant, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. A tragedy was about to occur and there wasn’t anything I could or should do about it.

12 years ago, God gave our family a blessing. We were pulling up to our house and there she was, lying down in the middle of our Asian Jasmine, a stray puppy who greeted us with a wagging tail and a bounce to her step. We gathered that she was a yellow lab mix, somewhere between 6 months to a year old, and none of our neighbors knew to whom she may belong. That was the small opening of the door that our oldest daughter, Chandler, needed to start her debate that we should give this puppy a permanent home. And, so it was that Goldilocks, (Goldie for short), became the newest member of the Merrell household.

We took Goldie to the vet to get her updated on shots and to get her spayed. We also found out that she was positive for heartworms, but the vet assured us that it was very treatable through medication and that no complications should arise from her condition.

“Goldielocks Merrell is ready for pick up,” is what I would hear whenever I would pick her up from the vet.

I’m not sure if other animal clinics do this, but Southwood Drive makes it a point to call out the pet’s first name and the owner’s last name when picking up your cat or dog. At first, I would cringe at hearing that, but as time passed, I grew to get a kick out of it.

Goldie became a wonderful addition to our family. She was kind, full of energy, and very loving. But, she was part Lab, which meant she loved to dig. She would dig holes in the back yard that were so deep that we couldn’t find her. But, most frustrating of all, was the constant times that we would have to track her down after she dug under our chain link fence.

We tried it all…chicken wire, electric wires, concrete blocks, even a thick layer of cayenne pepper. Nothing worked. There wasn’t tons of traffic in our subdivision, but we were just a couple of blocks removed from Highway 69 and we were so concerned that one day Goldie would meet her demise by darting out in front of a vehicle. Thankfully, in the 8 years or so that we lived in that neighborhood, that never happened.

A few years ago, we decided to make a move out to the country. This included 7 acres of land and a nice-sized pond. This was heaven on earth for Goldie. Although we had a fenced-in yard, we kept the gate open and allowed her to roam to her heart’s content. Whenever it was warm enough, Goldie’s biggest love was to take a dip into the pond. Of course, that made for a rather muddy dog and many ‘wipe downs’ before she could come inside the house.

And so it went for a couple of years, but over the past year, it has been obvious that age was creeping in on Goldie. Arthritis became a factor. She would moan in discomfort, especially after getting up from a nap. We gave her pain meds, but still nothing was as therapeutic as her occasional dips in the pond. Other complications arose which caused emergency visits to the vet. There was the case of obstinate, severe constipation, and a bout of vestibular disease, which caused her to walk into objects. Every time that we thought she was on her last legs, she would somehow snap out of it and become her old self again.  (She burned a lot of energy in her romps through the pasture, and sleeping soundly also became one of her favorite past times)

Then, on Thursday, February 18^th, I received a call from my mom who lives with us. She was very concerned because Goldie had been shaking violently and then started walking into objects in an attempt to get to the door. After some time had passed, Goldie was able to find her way to the back door and went out to the yard and then to the pond. Sure enough, within an hour, she was back to normal…at least, for a while.

Later that night, around 1 a.m., I was awakened by the sound of something at the foot of my bed. Goldie was in the throes of a full on seizure. She was shaking violently and her breathing was extremely hard and shallow. I knelt down beside her and placed my hands on her.   I wanted her to know that I was there and I wanted to make sure that she didn’t try to get up. After a few minutes, the shaking subsided, but Goldie was out of it. She was confused, worn out, and could barely lift her own weight.

A few more minutes passed and Goldie was able to walk now, but she still wasn’t all that stable. That didn’t matter to her, she wanted to get to the back door and she wanted me to let her out. I knew where she wanted to go, but I was hesitant. I didn’t think she was strong enough to go for a dip. But, then I got ‘that look’.   She knew her condition, she knew the situation, but she wanted to face life…or death, on her own terms.   I could see that all in her soft, brown eyes.

I took the agonizing walk to the back door to let Goldie out. She brushed past my legs and past the patio and downhill into the yard. She stopped about 20 or so yards from the house, just where the light from the patio dims into darkness. Goldie turned around and looked back at me and gave me what seemed to be a final look of understanding and compassion.  That was the moment that I knew we’d never see her again. I wanted so much to run out and catch her, but I knew that wasn’t the right move. Goldie had endured so much pain and deterioration over the past year of her life, I truly believe the addition of those seizures was just more than she could bear. I watched as she slipped out into total darkness. I heard the rustle of grass in the pasture as she got closer to the pond. At that point, I went back inside the house and closed the door. I didn’t want to hear anymore.

Just a few hours later, I awoke and went to take a look at the dog bed on the patio. It was empty. I then went to the garage to see if maybe Goldie was in her usual place there. There was no sign of her. I felt such a range of emotions. So deeply saddened at the thought of never rubbing her belly again, but relieved that her suffering was over and that she faced life and death on her own terms. I was also devastated at the prospect of telling my family, especially my kids, the details of Goldie’s passing.

My wife and I decided to wait until after school that day to tell the news to our two youngest. My son, Chase, handled it well, but our 11-year-old girl, Cullen, was inconsolable. Goldie had been around her ever since her birth. She never knew life without her. She decided to gather wildflowers and set them into to the pond near Goldie’s paw prints.

We waited to call Chandler until the following night. She is away at college now, and thankfully, her aunt and uncle were in the San Marcos area and they were able to be with her when we told her the news of the passing of her beloved Goldie.

The wounds are still fresh. I’m not ashamed to say that tears flowed freely as I wrote this recount of Goldie’s life. We still expect to see her trotting through the grass whenever we look out to the pasture. For now, all we have are the wonderful memories, the pictures, and the serenity of this pond that she loved so much. This tranquil pond that is now her resting place.

R.I.P. Goldielocks Merrell.